Everyone has a story

I took the time to look back into myself, to comtemplate, how eventually I became who I am today, through all sorts of things that has happened in my life. All sorts. I'm not even sure where I should start.
For starters, one day in 2002, i was in school, in the class, we had a free period, the whole class went berserk. We were throwing things around, boys vs girls, I remembered clearly. Crushed unused papers mostly. While I was at it, it didn't occur to me at all the following event can possibly happen. I threw this ball of paper at one of the girl (i guess it kind of hurt), and it hit her face. She was angry, mad, furious. She didn't scream or anything, just ignored me. And that, people, has had a devastating effect on me. Filled with guilt, feels like a permanent butterfly in the stomach, out of guilt. I tried to apologize, but odviously not the right time at that moment. I felt horrible that day, really really awful, I havent felt that way before. On the way home, in the bus, I kept thinking, what should I do, what should I say to her, how do I reach her to apologize, and suddenly a stream of tears came running down as I stare out the window of a setting sun. The wind generated by the speed of the bus blows the tears off my face, but it keeps coming. Sounds dramatic, but it was like that. The next thing was what I was good at, wasn't taught how to do it, to hide my feelings, put on a mask.
I don't like sympathies. Back home, it was like every other day, like I was impervious to any emotion at all. But my churning stomach wasn't lying to me. I wrote a foot long email to her, 1st day, no respond, 2nd day I wrote another, no respond, 3rd day I wrote again, she replied, I was given the green flag. The relieve was an indescribable feeling. The 3 days was hell thats for sure.
Thats just one, but it played a role in my life. I realised how friends are really important to me, well i'm sure to anyone. Since then I started to think before I do/say anything. Everything.
Eventually as I get by, I met people whom Ive learnt alot from. Some comes and goes, some remains your friends, some became friends you know you can be yourself at anytime, where being around them is like being in a sphere that has it's own dimension, a genuine dimension, and you don't care whats outside the sphere anymore.

Back in Malaysia, friends that I hang out with are the friends I can be myself around them.
Does it mean I am not myself when I'm around some people, not really. There are just certain characteristics you don't show. I honestly still cant figure out the element. Maybe just an uncomfortable feeling, but that means everything doesnt it. However, every relationship progresses, thats for sure, a not-so-close friend can always be your true friend once both parties develop interest in doing so. It only takes time. How much time do we have?
Scenario : One fine evening you're free, you have a choice between going out with your best friends, like every other day, which should already bore you but in fact not even a bit, And someone whom you're not so close with, who wants to hangout with you, which would you opt for? I would always go for the first choice. The choice that i choose will give a bad impression to the other person. So how should one tackle this problem. I don't know.
I like to do things when I feel like doing, at my own leisure, not obliged to anyone, anything, anytime. Having typed this out, I see that I'm a selfish person (we are by our human instincts?), which I already know long ago, and has made some contribution to change. Sort of only to people i prioritize, which sucks, because we only have so much time, and cant have every relationship fit into it.
Id like to quote ale,

I wish I could just make time every year, just one day per person, to meet up with the people who meant something to me. Yet relationships are funny things. Getting closer to someone usually means getting even closer. The more you spend time with them, the more time you need to spend and it becomes a heavy investment. It's only natural that you have to build on to maintain a relationship.
Maybe it's time to accept that some people need to stay in the past. Or maybe both parties just have to acknowledge that there's a cap to their friendship. That there's only so much time we have, and that time is reserved for people you prioritize as more important.

My life has made me a clingy person. If you're my good friend, you're not going anywhere.
This is to you.